scolding part 2

I  just remembered one scolding event with my man. Had almost forgotten about it :-)
We were having a terrible argument about something I had done.

We had been at an old womans place to pick up some stuff. I had not known the old lady. And before we went there, my man told me:

"Tina, I am really not looking forward to seeing her. She is so getting on my nerves. I do not want to talk with her much.Lets just go in there, let´s take the stuff and leave right away again."

Sure, no big deal. That is what I thought and said.

But when we were in the house, the lady started questioning my man with hundreds of questions. And I wanted to protect him from her and spare him the inconvenience of having to deal with her any longer.

In order to give him time to pick up the stuff undisturbed, I said to the lady: "why don`t you show me around? I have not seen the property before." And off we went. She led me to a room with a piano, and I sat down and started to play piano for the old lady.

After a while I went to look for my man. He was already waiting at the car and lets just say: he was not happy.

We drove of and he gave me a scolding like I had never received before in my whole life. I had no chance of calming him down.

He felt really betrayed. And at one point he said to me: "didn´t I tell you that I wanted to leave as fast as possible?" ... He went on by saying: "I do not speak german. I can not tell it to you in german. But maybe you will understand it better in Spanish."

And he started to scold me in fluent spanish. Up until then I had not even known that he does speak spanish indeed.And even though my spanish is much worse than my English, I fully understood what he was saying :-) His message was pretty clear.

So maybe you are right and I am worrying too much. I think my English will do just fine :-)

I wanna scold :-)

I really would like to be able to scold properly !

You might not believe it, but it takes me actually a long time to write these posts. My English is, (as you can see easily... ,) far from perfect.

This usually does not matter too much. Most of the time I am able of making you all  understand what I am wanting to say.  And my man is pretty good at reading my mind by now. With him, I usually do not need any words at all :-)

However, good English skills would really be useful in my relationship as far as scolding is concerned.

I am a woman who is used of using words. I like words, I like writing and I like talking. I spend most of my day doing nothing but dealing with words. And I can be really creative with words. I do know how to attack somebody, how to calm somebody down or how to comfort somebody by using words alone. That is not difficult at all for me.

There is only one area in my life where I can not always easily resort to words. And that is as far as scolding in a dd setting is concerned.

My personal guess is, this is because if I want to scold properly, I need to do just too many things at the same time.  :-) I need to know exactly what I want to say, it is essential for me to be really pissed off, it is necessary to speak in a stern and dominant manner, I need to  watch his body language in order to see if I am making any impression on him at all  and I need to speak fluently.

Doing these things all together and in a different language is still impossible for me. And that is a pitty :-) I really would love to give good scoldings. For me, words are an essential part of a good dd scene. And me, word lover who I am, me of all people I can not use scolding too much as part of a punishment session....

Life is just not fair :-)

Spanking threat

I told you in an earlier post that my man once threatened to spank me.He did not follow through with it, and I would not have allowed him to spank me at the time. You know, me being all shy and unexperienced an all that  ;-) And furthermore I had to establish my dominance over him first.

He had asked me right at the beginning of our relationship if he could ever spank me. And my response was pretty short and clear: "No!" His answer was pretty sweet: "If this is what you want, I will accept that. I am willing to submit to you."

And only because he was so understanding of my wants and needs I am able to write the following words :-)

Now, my answer would be different. I am pretty sure that I will let him do it, if he asks again and if he asks nicely :-) And of course he would need to provide me with a good reason why he thinks I should be spanked.

If indeed I had given him a reason to feel that a spanking is in order, I would  submit to him. It´s not a very hot thought for me. It would not be a permanent role reversal. It would be an extraordinary event. I still am no switch. I would not get any pleasure out of it. It´s not something that I am craving. But I would submit, because it would provide me with an opportunity to show him how much I love him.

just some clip that makes me smile

punishment in front of others

Just a thought in regards to punishing a man in front of other (especially vanilla) people.

As I can read in various blogs, some of you think it`s a hot thing, some think it is really something to be afraid of.

In a relationship with me, a punishment in front of others will never happen.

I think all dd related activities are really a personal and private thing. It affects me deeply. Both handing it out and the fact that the man is willing to take it.If I do these things, my emotional gates are wide open.

If other people are involved, in my way of thinking, chances are pretty good that these people will not get the depth of what is happening in front of their eyes. And I just don`t want anybody to have a chance to dirty something that is in fact pure and pristine.

dd and tears

Most of the time it is very easy for the woman in a domestic discipline relationship to serve the man`s need. Teasing, sexual attention, a self confident demeanor, some corporal punishment and a bit of orgasm denial usually work very well.

The thing is, a woman, any woman can do these things without getting emotionally involved with the man. A woman does not need to be in love with a man in order to give him a proper spanking. There is no need for the woman to get emotionally involved in the scene at all. In a way, the person doing these things to the man is exchangeable. The whole concept of paid dominatrixes works like that. The woman is doing something in order to make the man happy without actually really caring about the man.

From what I hear and read, for men, going to a paid domme can be a very fullfiling and great experience. And that is absolutely ok. Good for these men. I am always happy if people do have a good time :-) 

In a relationship with me, I think the much harder part is on the man´s side. To make me really happy he needs to do much more. At least for me, it is very important that the man is valueing "me", as a person. It is not possible to make me happy without getting emotionaly involved with me. In order to give me a good sexual experience, I need to have a long foreplay. Foreplay not necessarily in a sexual kind of way, but in a "babe, I am genuinely and honestly interested in your well being" way. I need to be sure that I am not exchangeable with another woman.

And that is, why for me it is really important that my partner is willing to share tears in front of me. If the man is  willing to cry in front of a woman is usually the litmus test if  she is only "a" woman or "the" woman.

will it ever go away?

Do you think being into this thing we do will ever go away? Is it possible to be interested in domestic discipline only for a period of time, but not for the whole life?

In my case, I have been into these things since I was a teenager. And I am pretty sure that I will be into it till I pass away. I never consciously chose to be interested in it. It is just something that "happened" to me.

I just always knew that it feels right, that it turns me on, that it makes me feel better. It took me a long time to finally get actively involved in the scene. But all these years I was dreaming of doing "it" one day. And when I finally did it, it felt great. I immediately felt at home and at peace. It was mind blowing. I can honestly say that all the experiences I made with my man were worth the long waiting.

It created such a deep level of belonging, trust and understanding between the two of us, that I am willing to spend the rest of my life with him, even if he should never want to get involved in it again. Which I am of course not hoping for!!!!

So, you men out there, what is your personal experience:

once a submissive always a submissive?

whipping boy

I have been asked if I am trying to find a whipping boy. And there is only one answer to that question: "No! "

A whipping boy is not at all what I am interested in. I get no satisfaction in whipping, hurting, punishing or disciplining a man for no reason at all. I am not into hurting people. I am not a sadist, not even in the harmless realm of kink. 

As far as domestic discipline is concerned, I need a strong emotional bond between me and the person I get involved with. Spanking somebody without really caring for the man just does not work for me. If I would whip a man, just because I am stressed and in need to vent, would most likely make me feel terrible afterwards.

I am a very emotional person. I have pretty good access to my mind and to my heart. And I expect the people in my life to give me access to their emotions and feelings as well. Physical acts without emotional bonds are just not interesting  for me. I just do not need another person to rub my body on while masturbating.

So the question is:

How am I to proceed? Me wanting to do some dd action and my man busy with important other real life stuff?

I will try to outwait the situation. I will take what I can get from my man.

And I will enjoy the things I can have with him.

His mind might be not free for kink and domestic discipline at the moment. But I hope that his interest in the subject will come back sooner or later.And even if it comes never back again, even if he will be the most vanilla man on this planet, I will stay at his side. Just because I love him.

patience

I am craving some domestic discipline action. I would love to live out my dominant side again. Spankings, corner times, orgasm denial, teasing and much much more. I sooo want to get involved in these kind of things again.

But there is no chance for me to do that with my man right now. His mind is on other very important things. He is already under enormous pressure. There is just no space for any kinky thoughts or acts at the moment. Adding new pressure in any form to his life is just not an option right now.

We are communicating every day. I understand that he needs to put all his energy in the thing he is doing right now. And I am grown up enough to know that there are moments in life when even a smart, beautiful, dominant and loving woman can not get what she wants.

Generally, I am willing to patiently outwait the situation. I am willing to spend the rest of my life with this man. But still, this is a very diffcult situation for me. I do not want to start anything with another man. I am not interested in watching porn. I want to dominate MY man. But all my efforts of starting some domestic discipline action are met by his indifference or plain disinterest.

In a way it is actually funny. I have been waiting for this man all of my life. I am the queen of waiting for Mr. Right. I think I waited for more than 15 years... I finally found him, I love him, I had some great domestic discipline moments with him and now I am back in my waiting position again. Arghhhhhhhh, this is just crazy!!!!

I know there are like hundreds of men out there who are dreaming of getting their wife interested in dd. But me, unorthodox as I am and with a perfect precision, I chose the one man who once was interested in domestic discipline and probably does not care about dd any more....